How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
