i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
