we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
