I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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