you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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