I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
