I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
