We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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