Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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