i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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