i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
