Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The air was thick with penises
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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