Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
