I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
