ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
