Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
