My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
