That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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