If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
