Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
