it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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