thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize