I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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