Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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