Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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