Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
