Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
