can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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