I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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