so explain again why im purple
no
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
