Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
