Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude i'm inner monologue high
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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