If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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