ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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