The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Michael Bay diarrhea
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
