My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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