Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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