I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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