Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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