I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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