If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
