She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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