You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
