So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
