Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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