just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
