i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize