then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
