I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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