I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
