so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
