He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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