I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
