i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
