we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
