I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
