marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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