i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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