I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you had me at cake vodka
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
