So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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