I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
