Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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