i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
