If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
