just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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