2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
