actually, I'm a sock model
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
