I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
