do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
did you just send me my own nude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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