Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
