Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
