my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize